My husband started ruining the holidays as far back as 1985. And it was also my first birthday as a mom. Sometimes I get negative or my husband does and if we don't address it, it becomes this. But fuck is it irritating to listen to negativity and whining when you're just trying to have a good time. Denying. Web4. He keeps asking what I want to do next, I'm not about to answer that because every fucking suggestion I've made all morning has been met with attitude, so I tell him just to do what he wants, and he unloads on me about how I'm being so nasty towards him today and ruining the trip (FUCKING WHAT). He said it was good I was ready to go He had not e. Have you looked into narcissist personality disorder?? Around 2am husband stirs and sees me still up and reading, and asks if I've been to sleep yet. I agree with Windy. The people around me weren't like I was. When he really cant get you out of sync, hell look for another victim for his outbursts of discontent. His pretty foreman was threatened by the last man that if she sent my husband back home there would be a wildcat that she would be credited as allowing. And if you can, set aside the So I give up and say fine, we'll go home (at this point he's spent 30 minutes arguing with me anyway). SHIT. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. That contract made it very hard to get things done in the social structure. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. If you want to change something, work it out in adult fashion with your spouse." No big deal. Maternity leave is HARD WORK. Your email address will not be published. I hope that you and your husband can really talk about what is causing these sudden mood changes. Her Graduation. Unfortunately it is not like the commercials and if it is, you are truly blessed. Thats not a vacation, thats maternity leave and thats a lot of work! I opened it to a note that said worth more than our 19 year marriage had been. Learn how your comment data is processed. They ignore you. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and do all the things that we wouldn't do if we went during the summer (the zoo, a couple parks, renting bikes to ride down the boardwalk, etc). I honestly dont think he realizes he does it. All while he's sitting and panting and whining about how incredibly difficult it was. She was gone with the bank accounts and all the household goods and the newer of the two cars and had moved to her fathers in El Paso and filed for a divorce the deacon found himself without his family, the committeeman that was planning to run for the office the next election found no seconds when he tried. And traffic. *I* ruined her birthday, *I* ruined Christmas Happens a lot! He gets a terrible attitude and tries to get me to run errands or comfort him and give him attention. Man I am exhausted just reading about it! Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. What we need to keep in mind with narcissists, however, is that these things may or may not have happened as described and its that they use these stories as a weapon to manipulate others. How you frame the invitation is up to you. Vacation should be a time when you forget about your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways. But my life has always been hard. Honestly go somewhere without cell service or him. This leaves you to make all of the explanations to everyone. As I begged I offered the sex life he had wanted before the Millennial I offered to stand with him over the holidays and call the police if his father sand others did any thing to stop him from taking the time off. A codependent person on vacation will want to do all things together. In 2003 I gave his father his passport to lock in his safe deposit to stop him from the Ireland trip to keep his father happy, I left a note to please just make a list of what he would consider for the time after the new year or better yet just talk to his foreman get the time arranged for and then make the reservations just not any place cold He would get his passport back before the new year and nobody had to be beaten to a bloody pulp if he would just keep the peace about choosing something else after the new year, In that note I said there had to be a way to stop the impasse. Holy shit what a whiner. They would rather be the cause of your unhappiness and misery than not be the center of your attention at all. The fucker was heavy and pedaling it around was harder than we expected. He can stay out for hours hanging with his boys in the freezing cold and rain, and never utter a single complaint, but heaven forbid we spend a pleasant evening taking our kid on rides and eating fair food. I swear they do everything you just described. Spoiler alert: I didn't get a damn thing to eat because he refused to wait in a long line. apparently he preferred bitching at me while son and I waited in an even longer line for the god damned ride. They provide an especially prolonged period of time and many different opportunities for narcissists to hurt others. He said after the first lash it better not stop until he had no pulse or heartbeat because he would still see us in hell. I snap and lay out for him exactly how the morning's gone: attitude during breakfast, attitude when I request we stop for coffee, attitude when I ask if I can lay down for a little while, just attitude with me every time I open my mouth. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. I already feel like Scrooge! I spend the night coughing my guts out. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, I swear. Holiday events give narcissists excuses to stay late at work for holiday parties or spend time with friends outside of regular routines. The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are. Addiction to anything. I'm taking the Christmas lights back to Lowes, if he will ever give me the receipt, which I asked for I give up trying to celebrate anything since he always ruins it for me, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday and the forth of July. Now youre trying to heal from the relationship. However, when we establish a fantasy Considering last years birthday was so terrible there was some pressure on this one. His 13 pound 4'4" tall cane came across the room without the grip tip on and shattered the left side of my old boyfriends skull dropping him to the floor and then my husband started to hammer fist him breaking most the bones above my boyfriends upper legs and causing major internal damage, When I tried stopping the rage I was swatted across the room. His father and I along with the people we invited to the Christmas we had planed as the last without my husband being involved Went and had a dinner at Denny's, I felt bad that we had to do that because my husband for 31 years had fought us tooth and nail to not have a rewarmed meal or sandwich for his holiday meals, remained angry telling us we had stolen his life, and his mother was hoping he was out of rehab soon. We got back and went straight to his fathers safe deposit and he dragged his father out kicking him and up the sidewalk telling us he would have his property returned he slammed his father on the managers desk handing him the box key telling him he just wanted his passport returned. Don't side with your parents against your spouse, and don't carry their criticisms home to your spouse. Baby, no, come back here, don't put your hand in the toilet! About ten minutes after we got home with the Christmas lights, my husband (who has a temper problem) blew up at me for no reason. If what they do to you is bad enough, they can also attach themselves traumatically to your holiday memories. I was even signing that when we returned from Rome I would go any where at any time he wanted and be the sex partner he wanted as well as the willing travel companion. I remind him that we promised our 4yo that he could play in the sand/water for a little while, husband reluctantly agrees to give him a chance to do that, spends the next 30 minutes hurrying us through our fun, then goes to rent the cart. I will NEVER receive an apology..I dont expect it.not from a narcissist.I did write her a letter (not mean but honest..)telling her that I will have to keep my distance from her for a while . We are bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families. The Thursday, Aug. 6, episode of Teen Mom 2 was a lesson in how jealousy can ruin a relationship. Heading to the car, I remind him that I want to stop and get coffee and he makes a snotty comment in that "aggressive tone that has enough of a laugh in it that I can claim I was 'just joking'" voice. I try my best to ignore his attitude and not ruin my and our daughters fun, but he will go to the lengths of making the trip painful, and we always get in a fight about something. For whatever reason, he's flat-out refusing to consider letting me take a quick nap and then continuing on with our trip as planned and wants to torch the whole thing. and his foreman was to scared of my husband to write him up. From that feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making your life miserable. He said a new laptop computer. After his return from the Navy's submarine service 3 and a half years. He is planning on taking one day off out of the three I am taking. "For example, losing $20 affects us more than gaining $20, even though the two events are equivalent in weight," she said. It took a lot of time, talks and finally a break down on my part from being burnt out for him to fully realize how selfish he was being. Well, whatever the reason, theres surely a way to put an end to it. Please keep yours, at least in your heart. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. He was sending his finding that we had abused my husband for decades, especially when his father started yelling that he was always stubborn when it came to doing as his betters required. Hs fathers friend the judge was under investigation as to what other bribes he had taken and if he had used the evidence locker to support his drug habit for decades since he had signed out of evidence in cocaine and had it in his blood. Even when there is no chaos to engineer, they can still use the holidays to manufacture emotions and they do benefit from the emotions of others. That night I can't sleep because I'm so congested, plus I generally don't sleep well in hotels anyway. They often have a precise script of what they want their vacation to look like. Thank you so much, man,' Karl said Did point out the "you didn't have to come" part at one point when he was been completely OTT about how "difficult" the child was being. 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